I’m not as great as people thought.

I only met one other girl aside from Alaine that I could really envision a future with. Don’t get it twisted though, no one ever comes close to my first love but she was pretty fuckin’ close.

I met her through an ask she sent me telling me to feel better about my situation with an (now ex) girlfriend. We started talking and she was very closed up and heavily guarded. One night she finally confided to me very vaguely about another dude fucked her over, from that moment I started writing her letters. We wrote letters to each other every time we logged on, once a day. I told her I would write letters to her until she felt better and she told me, “Then I hope I never feel better.” We fought like a married couple, we made up like one too. We argued about marriage, not between us, just in general. She was against it and I told her that she shouldn’t put off the thought. We fought about abortion and I was pro-life, and she was for it under reasonable circumstances. We butt heads everywhere but we worked, we still fit. She would always correct my grammar. I bet if she read this right now she would just tear me up. I never failed to see ** in our conversation. She called me oobs, I called her princess. Now, how we ended up there, I’m not sure but I was into it.

I ended up falling for her and still had a girlfriend. I still made promises like if we were 30 and not married, I wanted to marry her. Even if my relationship was going down hill, I should have known better but I didn’t. I thought I could have my cake and eat it too.

Of course I got caught and how damaged I look to her now, I understand her. We were soul mates, we were extremely good friends, she was someone I always needed and I fucked her over because I’m selfish. I let someone good slip, because I’m a fucking asshole who doesn’t know someone good. I would prefer to stay committed to a relationship that is failing than to just leave and love this girl whole heartedly.

I definitely fucked up. I’m sorry I was so selfish and never considered how much you did like me during that time. You are right, I lost an incredible woman because I’m an idiot. I’m sorry for doing that, I lost such an amazing friend.